"The object in life is not to be on the side of the majority but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." - Marcus Aurelius
Is Happier Abroad for losers? What's the alternative?
To those who consider me and others who date abroad to be losers, our Expat and Cultural Advisor Ladislav has this to say to you:
"To those who consider us losers, here is our answer:
We have discovered that love and sex are commodities as any others and they both obey market trends and the laws of supply and demand. We treat male and female attractiveness only in marketing ways, as well.
In other words we export the attractiveness of the American male to global markets rather than depending on the domestic markets alone. If that is being a loser, than any export company that tries to find better markets for its products is a loser, too.
Global marketing is a respectable trend and international trade is a quadrillion dollar a year business. Can you imagine someone writing an email to a large global company with billions in sale around the world and saying something like this:
You loser, what's wrong with a good old American market? Why can't you find an American customer.
Worse yet: Hey what's wrong with American investors? Why sell out treasury bills to the Chinese and Saudis?
As it happens, an American Citizen man ( of any race, age and looks) is in greater demand in many countries than he is at home where he is surplus merchandise. So, we are here to market ourselves on the global scale."
I hope that makes sense to you and helps you to see the bigger picture.
To those who would say to me "The problem must be you!", well here are two ways how I know the problem isn't just me.
- I don't have the dateless life abroad that I do in America. So if the problem is me, then why don't I have the same problems overseas? Anyone who sees my Photo Collage , Film or Photojournals will instantly see this.
- In other countries there are not oodles of men who can't get any dates at all like there are in America. There isn't a Pick-Up-Artist/Seduction Guru industry marketing seminars and books to guys on how to pick up girls like there is in the US. It is not a widespread silent epidemic like it is in America, and men are not forced to live sterile lives. What does that tell you?
For me and many others, the overseas path was the best and most effective solution for our needs, wants and happiness. It was the only solution to our dilemma, even if it is considered a "loser path" to the mainstream American mind. It WORKS. I get what I want and I am happy, and that's the bottom line.
And besides, how can I be a loser? I don't drink, smoke or do drugs, and I never get drunk. I am not violent or abusive (and when I do get mad it's usually for justifiable reasons). I'm responsible and organized. I do what I say and I keep my promises. I am clean - I shower everyday and am clean shaven. I am decent looking. I am intelligent (of course) with good communication skills and I am very articulate. I'm very outgoing. And I treat people fairly too. In fact, I have a lot of great qualities (see 10 outstanding examples here). So how am I a loser? Sure I have faults like everyone does, but there is no valid reason to insinuate that my imperfections directly cause my loneliness, isolation and datelessness in America. Therefore there is no valid justification in claiming that some fault of mine is responsible for my sterile condition in America. Such "victim-blaming" statements are merely the rantings of people programmed by a sick society in denial.
So why do I suffer in America then from loneliness and datelessness undeservedly? Is it cause my race, height, looks and the "type" of guy that I am is not what American women want? Those certainly play a role in it. But is that my fault? No, those are factors out of my control. Is it cause my personality doesn't fit in America and I do not feel comfortable adopting its fake/artificial social and communication style? That's probably a factor too. But how can I be something I'm not, and moreover, why should I be something I'm not? When you become something you're not, it's not good for your psychological balance and plus you can only attract the wrong people. How is that in my long term interest?
You see, the more you think about it, the more you realize that all fingers point to the sick society and culture in the US, and my inability to fit into it as well as my low rank value in it. That's the real cause of the problem, if you want to find one.
Now look at the alternative - staying in the US and following the standard pseudo-advice commonly given to the dateless:
- Work on yourself
- Get involved in activities and clubs
Where do you think this would get me? Let's see, I work on myself for a few years, and enhance my desirability a bit. Then maybe ONCE every few YEARS, I'll find someone who wants to date me, and if I'm lucky she might even be somewhat cute or attractive. But that's ONCE every few YEARS! (which was my dating record in the US already) Plus, there's no telling how long it will even last when it comes either (my last American girlfriend lasted only 5 weeks!). Now does that spell wide pool of CHOICES to you? I think not! Life is too short for that. On the other hand, look at my wide assortment of dating choices overseas in my Photo Collage. I think that says it all. Anyone would rather have lots of choices constantly present, then just ONE choice every few years, or none at all! Get real.
And besides, even if you did "work on yourself" and became a great guy with wonderful qualities and a lot to offer, so what? If you're not a woman's type in America, and hence not desirable, then all you will get is a pat on the back from women and be told, "Congratulations. You have many great qualities and a lot to offer. I'm sure you'll be a good catch to the right woman someday." What's that going to get you?! Rather than wait years (or never) for "someone" who finally appreciates me, I'd rather be DESIRABLE to women in general, so that I have CHOICES anytime I want, including NOW! And in some foreign countries where the factors are in my favor, I have just that. Life is too short, so why wait years or never?!
As to number two, been there, done that. Sure I can join activities and clubs to meet girls, or take classes popular with girls (cooking, yoga, swing dancing) or just simply going to places where the girls are. Anyone can do that. But look at reality here. Meeting lots of girls you like isn't going to get you any dates if you're not their type. They're still gonna blow you off if you show interest. All that will come of it are polite conversations, but nothing more. And if you try to make something more out of it, they blow you off or refuse politely, saying that they have a boyfriend or that they prefer to have time to themselves. So sure, you can meet lots of girls in America, there are places and activities for that, but if you aren't their type, which I never am, then you'll only be left with disappointment, a huge let down, and blow to your ego. You will be left wondering,
"What's wrong with me? Why am I not dating material? Why did those girls say they would rather be alone then hang out with me?"
But let's be honest here. How many dateless people do you know who turned their dating life around by simply 1) Working on themselves and 2) Joining clubs and activities? Virtually nobody right? So as you can see, this advice is simply worthless.
Well f@#$ that. Why deal with that when there's "dating paradise" overseas?! Life is too short to waste. You gotta make the best of it NOW!
I mean, look at me and the difference in my life, which is beyond imagination. In the US I was perpetually dateless, and every single girl I liked blew me off. It was totally hopeless, literally, despite the fact that I tried everything you can imagine. But look at me here now that I'm overseas. I feel like James Bond! I feel desirable and wanted. And I can live my fantasies with beautiful women whenever I want, because they are not out of my league here. What more could I want? So you see, who cares if I'm a loser by mainstream people's standards, especially when those segments of society are hate-driven and brainwashed by their wicked media?! Wouldn't I be a bigger loser if I had stayed in my unhappy, loveless, sexless, hopeless situation in the US?
In the end, you gotta ask yourself this. Would you rather forever endure constant rejection from women, such as this fan from my forum received in this letter:
"Paul, i have to tell you something. I have met someone and he is fast becoming a very important man in my life. I am having feelings toward him that I haven't felt in a long time and I want to see where this is going to lead. He has made me realize that there is life inside me that I can feel again, that I am a woman as well as a mother and my needs are important too. It was nice meeting you but I don't think that I want to persue anything more than friendship with you as I have some very strong feelings toward this other man. I would prefer not to correspond with you and would like it if you don't call me anymore, I don't have feelings toward you in that way. Your daughter is beautiful and you need to make her the focus of your life, never let her want for anything. It was nice knowing you, Jodi"
I rest my case.
Here are some eloquent words from a fellow Asian American expat who calls himself DarkTalay. He sums up the long term picture of what awaits you if you remain in the US to fight a dysfunctional losing battle.
"Let's see, climb the corporate ladder, work over-time doing things you hate for people who look down on you to pay for a house you can't afford and a fancy car that depreciates as soon as you drive it off the lot.
Getting a measly two weeks of vacation time while Euros get months.
Slave away at this job only to have the company down-size or get taken over and have your position made obsolete and find out that you are unemployable since you are middle-aged.
To bust your ass trying to please American women and get their attention.
Marrying your sweetheart only to see her turn into a nagging fat shrew.
Working at said job and finally retiring when you are too old to enjoy your freedom, consigned to watching "Oprah" at the senior center, playing canasta on Saturday nights and having" Senior's Night" at Denny's your weekly thrill.
No thank you!
Most men are indoctrinated from birth via the schools and the mass media into becoming enslaved for life to this treadmill.
Men become so preoccupied with covering up his ass at work (meeting quotas) and playing the political game while desperately trying to meet suitable women.
American society has changed radically over the past century before WWI most Americans worked at agrarian jobs, born, raised, marrying and dying within a few miles of his birthplace.
He probably went to a church which was a place where all the community met.
He knew and was known by all of the females from childbirth having gone to school and to the same church as they attended.
There were matchmakers, barn-dances, ice cream socials to allow singles to meet.
Finding a mate was easier as women were expected to find a decent husband and were raised to respect men.
The Industrial Age and WWI changed all that as farm-boys went to war and
were suddenly exposed to fighting in a foreign country, growing up very fast and being exposed to a alien culture.
The mass-marketing of the automobile and the creation of the Intercontinental Highway system made America a mobile society.
Now people can live in a neighborhood and scarcely know their neighbors.
Feminism has destroyed trust between genders and now men are seen as predators/criminals/fools.
Mass communication is cheaper and easier than ever with cell-phone, internet, VIOP and chat-rooms yet people are more isolated and out of touch than ever.
There is no real effective way for singles to meet nowadays as men are working overtime to make ends meet and have little time to socialize.
But that is what they were told to believe in and it makes them great wage-slaves who can be easily manipulated.
Personally I tried singles groups, singles ads and partner-danced for years with
little result.
I have friends who haven't had a date for years and are unlikely ever to meet a decent woman.
Those relationship "experts" are like the American Cancer Society, they are not interested in helping you but to rake in cash from desperate people dying to meet a partner.
A few men have found the courage to get off the treadmill and find their fortunes
Overseas.
It's not easy, some men have fallen on their faces but most have succeeded.
Dark"
If that inspired you and you feel the same way, then here are DarkTalay's suggestions for expatriating yourself overseas:
"I teach English here in LOS (Land of Smiles), it doesn't pay much but the cost of
living is much lower than the States.
I managed to buy a beachfront condo in Pattaya on the Eastern Seaboard.
The first thing a potential expatriate must do to make a successful escape is to commit
and make a choice on actively exploring the notion of leaving one's homeland.
He must commit to make as many field trips as he can to check out the country desired.
He must cease merely dreaming about living abroad immediately as that encourages procrastination.
He will instead visualize himself actually working, living and playing in the chosen country.
He will read all books on how to successfully expatriate.
He will research on the chosen country, learn something about the culture, history and
some of the language.
Once he is there he will connect with the expatriates already living there via the many expat clubs.
He will ask hard questions about the reality and ins and outs of living there and finding
work.
He will visit the local realty companies to check out condos and houses.
After he does all of this if he still is motivated he will make a decision and stick to it.
Everything he does from now on will support his expatriating.
He will get rid of that fancy car with its expensive monthly payments.
He will move out of that fancy apartment and into a trailer park to save money
or convert his property into a source of income.
He will cease useless hobbies that are a financial drain such as playing the horses or
going to lap-dance clubs.
So what if your family and friends raise their eyebrows, you are busy
engineering your escape to a better life.
He will make financial arrangements with his accountant for overseas
communication and tax returns.
He will start disposing of accumulated junk in his life that's served its purpose but is
now a drag on his life.
Junk such as comic book collections, old love letters for exe's, bowling trophies, etc.
He should be down to a suitcase and a carry-on by the time he departs.
He will set a firm date for moving out, if he doesn't he will find more excuses for
inaction and never commit.
He will be very discreet about his plans to casual acquaintances especially Western women especially if he plans to move to Thailand.
He will find that doubters, mostly female will come out and try to discourage you.
They will cast doubt on your manhood ( "What's wrong, are you threatened by strong
American women?").
They will tell your half-truths about moving abroad ( "it's dangerous, you'll be
back in a month.").
Do not depend on mainstream travel guide for information relevant to expatriating.
They are written for back-packers, wealthy couples, women, Gays and Lesbians.
"Lonely Planet" is very slanted against the single heterosexual male tourist and
is not to be depended upon..
On-line forums such as www.pattayasecrets.com are better and have less disinformation.
Putting up pictures of the country's landmarks and post-it notes on bathroom mirrors
with encouraging phrases is helpful.
I have strong doubts that any of this is going to be listened to much less act upon.
Few Americans even have passports.
Most men are used to being wage-slaves and will block out any information or advice
from friends about becoming an expatriate.
Most will just read this, shake their heads, and declare that it's a hopeless dream and return
to working at a soulless job with a miserable commute and a rancid nationwide dating
environment.
Thousand of expats live abroad, why not you?
DarkTalay"
Finally, here is a great analysis of the global dating predicament from my forum.
"The short man did not choose to be short. He did not choose to be, in Winston's words, "undesirable, unattractive, unwanted, and not dating material". "These labels and statuses were given and assigned automatically by default". Compared to taller and more appealing males, the shorter male must work harder to improve his sexual market value, to move up from the "undesirable" to the "will consider" category, while very few will make it to the "preferred' category (Tom Cruise?).
People don't like Winston (and others who went overseas) because he revolted against the established social structure and went abroad where his sexual market value is automatically higher. In Angeles city, a single American male is probably in the "preferred" category. He doesn't have to climb up in the same way as his counterpart in the US.
This upsets people who are firmly established in the meritocracy mindset, who thinks he took a short-cut. But the birth or gene lottery is not meritocracy, some people are born with a silver spoon and others are born into crushing poverty. The American meritocracy mindset is also hypocritical in its worship and granting of exceptions to the rich and famous. There's a double standard where a joe average male with a pretty wife from abroad is looked down as "mail order bride" loser, versus Hugh Hefner can have many pretty young GF's and be glamorous. Whos' to say that the average joe with a pinay wife isn't a better family man with strong traditional/conservative values, verus Hugh Hefner's playboy lifestyle?"
